Oh, Neneh Cherry, you tease me with your Buffalo Stance:
No moneyman can win my love
It’s sweetness that I’m thinking of.
We always hang in a buffalo stance
We do the dive every time we dance
I’ll give you love baby not romance
I’ll make a move nothing left to chance
So don’t you get fresh with me
I used to sing this song all the time when I was younger but I had NO FREAKING CLUE what the hell I was singing. I mean, I thought the Buffalo Stance was a version of the Electric Slide. I didn't even know what a stance was. But then again, I used to sing "I Touch Myself" at the top of my lungs and I didn't know what I was singing about then.
However, when I was a junior in high school, I actually did know what I was singing about then. Actually, a bunch of friends and I were at a bowling alley/billiards place and I was dared to go on top of the pool table and perform a "sexy" song.
Oh and did I perform. To up the ante, I sang "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls. The things I did with the poolstick and the cue...yeah, we'll let you use your imagination (what could I have possibly done?) I'm just the type of girl to do a dare and when I do a dare, I usually go all out.
Next day at school...what i did spread around like wildfire and...yeah, I'm the coolest, most badass chick ever.
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So I have some interesting news. Or semi-news. Or actually news-that-I-can't-believe-that-I-was...nevermind. let me explain:
So my best friend, we'll call her "Sally" came down to visit from the LA/San Bernardino area with her friend, we'll call him "Harry". It was Harry's birthday and he wanted to see San Diego.
I gave them the tour: beaches and houses. Sally and I love to go do house tours and dream about our dream homes and our dream husband(s) (She's married already but...eh..it's not going so well). Anyway, afterwards we went to Hooters.
SIDENOTE:I love Hooters. I can't get enough of their chicken wings. YUM! Furthermore, I like to watch sports and have hot girls serve me. I think it's a power thing for me.
Man, am I a guy?
Anyway, so the three of us start talking about sex. Now, I don't necessarily ADVERTISE my sex life, however, if the topic arises and/or if you ask me a direct question, I will answer it honestly and with (not an excessive amount unless egged on) detail. So Harry is really interested about what I'm into and so on and so forth.
Later that night, they decide to call it a night and go back home (up north) and asks if I want spend the night at her house and gossip, hang out or watch movies. At first, I say, "sure,' but decided against it because I had a lot of shit to do the next morning.
SOOOOO....
Today, my Sally calls me and tells me that Harry thought I was really cool and really open-minded.
Because of this, he wanted to ask me a question but chickened out.
You know what he wanted to ask me?
If I wanted to have a threesome with him and Sally.
OH
MY
GOD
First off, I think I'm pretty open minded and easy going, so that's probably why he was thinking of asking if I wanted to participate.
Second of all, when Sally told me this, I said "OH MY GOD. Wouldn't that be weird, if we were both having sex with the same guy? Like, your hand would be on my boobs and shit..I would hear your orgasm voice"
and she said:
"Well, if you were to be involved in a threesome, wouldn't you want it to be with your best friend?"
and, dumbfounded (and astonished, I guess) I said "Yeah, you have a point. Hmm...I think I would have to be really really drunk to relax and to be really into it"
Here's the thing that scares me. What IF he did ask me to be involved in the threesome? What would I say?
Things to consider:
*Harry is nice
*Sally is nice
*I am not attracted to Sally nor Harry
*My sex resume would look SO much cooler, if I had "threesome" listed.
*I would be seen as a significantly dirty (dirtier?) wife from my future husband, Paul Walker, which I am not sure is a good thing or a bad thing.
*Would my cool meter go down if I refused to do the threesome?
So, I'm sort of relieved that he didn't ask. I mean, I have NO IDEA what I would say.
I'm at this point that I think sex is a dream. I mean, did I really have it? Does it really exist? Did I dream my previous sex life? I might of done the threesome to prove that I, too, had sex in a time where Clinton was still president..in a once upon a time type of time
It seems so vague and so far away, like this made up fantasy. It's like I rode the dragon-dog-thing in the never-ending story..but did I really ride the dragon-dog-thing? Am I really Atreyu and is Atreyu really me?
Should Bastian, Atreyu and I be in a threesome? Are Bastian and Atreyu the same guy? If the dragon-dog-thing watched, would that be voyeristic beastiality?
I think wearing this gas mask all day has driven me up into a weird dimension.
